WAKAD JOURNAL: 2012

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve : BUYING A HOUSE IN PUNE

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: BUYING A HOUSE IN PUNE:

Click the link above and read the article

Friday, November 23, 2012

IMAGE MANAGEMENT CANNOT MAKE YOU A GENTLEMAN

THE MAKING OF A GENTLEMAN

AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN

YOU MAY BE AN OFFICER BUT ARE YOU A GENTLEMAN ?

Image Management and OLQ can Make You an Officer, not a Gentleman

Click the link below to read my original post in my journal

Also posted below for your convenience

GENTLEMAN OFFICER
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/11/gentleman-officer.html

WHO IS A GENTLEMAN – DEFINITION and MEANING

JOTTINGS FROM MY “ANCIENT” DIARIES

Part 1

OFFICER AND GENTLEMAN

VIKRAM KARVE

During our annual Pre-Diwali “cleanship”, while tidying my bookcase and bookshelves and cleaning my books, I browsed through my old diaries which I have preserved with great care.

During my student days, and even later, during my working days, I always carried around a diary and jotted down anything I found interesting – anything I read or heard or saw that appealed to me.

From time to time I will share with you in my blog some jottings from my “ancient” diaries.

DEFINITION OF A GENTLEMAN

Today I will talk about the definition of the word “gentleman” which I jotted down while attending a lecture during a leadership workshop in the year 1992.

But before we get to the definition, let us ponder a bit on the meaning of the word “gentleman”.

(Though written for the masculine gender GENTLEMAN this applies to the feminine gender LADY as well)

WHO IS A GENTLEMAN ?

If you look at the concept of “gentleman” in an holistic manner, a gentleman comprises two aspects:

1. Form

2. Substance

FORM ATTRIBUTES

Form refers to the external “image management” or “personality development” aspects – visible behaviour and outward appearance – traits like poise, grooming, manners, etiquette, dress, accent, diction, speech, smartness, courteousness, elegance, style, refinement, sophistication and polished behaviour.

In the Navy, or in the Army, Air Force, Military and Civil Services, an Officer is trained in these aspects which are called OLQ or “Officer Like Qualities” when he joins service at various training academies.

In the civvy street there are Finishing Schools, Image Management Trainers and Personality Development Coaches who help inculcate in people the “form” attributes of a gentleman.

But form alone does not make a gentleman.

A true gentleman must have both form and substance.

Form is important but it is the substance which establishes the true worth of a man.

A man possessing only form but no substance is a phoney gentleman and we see many such fake charlatans masquerading as gentlemen.

We saw what is meant by “form”.

Now let us see what is meant by “substance”.

SUBSTANCE ATTRIBUTES

Form consists of external visible attributes.

Substance comprises invisible internal virtues.

Here is a definition which defines the substance of a gentleman:

An honest man, a man with a sense of duties and obligations of his position, whatever it may be, a man who tells the truth, a man who gives others their due, a man considerate to the weak, a man who has principles and stands by them, a man who is not elated by good fortune and not too depressed by bad luck, a man who is loyal, a man who can be trusted

The real virtues of a gentleman are inherent in the above definition.

Whether civilian or military, an Officer is considered a Gentleman.

But, tell me, in the context of the definition above, how many officers truly possess all the attributes enunciated in the definition above?

Image Management, Personality Development and Social Standing can give you “form” but it is your “substance” which will make you a complete and genuine gentleman.

If you look around you in urban society, you will find so many persons who look like gentlemen (as they exhibit the requisite “form”). But when you look more closely, even at high ranking officers and those way up on the social pecking order, you will discover who are the genuine men of “substance” and who are masquerading as gentlemen.

You may be an officer, but are you a gentleman?

VIKRAM KARVE

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

Did you like reading this blog post?
I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in my recently published book of short stories COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html
COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book: Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramwamankarve@gmail.com

Posted by Vikram Karve

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Evergreen Classic Song - Rain Drops Keep Falling on My Head

One of my favorite evergreen songs Rain Drops Keep Falling on My Head from the Movie Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid

Click below and enjoy the song

WOMEN IN THE NAVY - Is Navy A Good Career Option For Women - THE MARRIAGE DILEMMA

WOMEN IN THE NAVY
Is Navy A Good Career Option For Women?
THE MARRIAGE DILEMMA
A Naval Yarn
DELIGHTFUL MEMORIES OF MY HALCYON NAVY DAYS – Part 5
By
VIKRAM KARVE

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/11/women-in-navy-naval-yarn-delightful.html

DELIGHTFUL MEMORIES OF MY HALCYON NAVY DAYS – Part 5

WOMEN IN THE NAVY

Short Fiction – An Apocryphal Story

A Naval Yarn

VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer: Please read this apocryphal story only if you have a sense of humour. This is a yarn, pure fiction, a fantasy, a figment of imagination.

Did you know that there are Naval Officers who never go to Sea?

“A Naval Officer who doesn’t go to Sea” – sounds strange, isn’t it?

How can you be in the Navy, don spotless white naval uniform, and yet you never have to sail on Ships?

It is possible. Believe it or not. You can be in the Navy and yet you don’t have to go to sea. It can happen. Yes, it can happen only in India.

Around 20 years ago, sometime in the early 1990’s perhaps, they decided to induct women into the navy (which till then was an all-male preserve).

This could have been a progressive step had they treated women on par with men and inducted women into seagoing branches and applied the same standards and performance criteria to women, as is done in some foreign navies.

Unfortunately, in India, induction of women in the navy seemed to be mere tokenism and the implementation was quite cosmetic in nature.

Maybe at that point of time this “historic” step was taken just to earn a few “gender equality” brownie points

Women were allowed to join only as landlubbers in the Education Branch of the Navy.

Though women naval officers wore the same white uniform they were restricted to shore duties and never had to go to sea.

Today, we are at the end of the year 2012, and more than 20 years have passed since women first joined the navy and I feel that it is high time that lady naval officers are given seagoing duties.

Women have broken the glass ceiling in almost all careers, but sadly, as far as the navy is concerned, we remain stuck in an outdated archaic prehistoric cultural time-warp and we still don’t allow women naval officers to have a full-fledged seagoing career which requires them to sail on ships, shoulder to shoulder with their male counterparts.

On the other hand, women naval officers must be prepared to face the same tough life and hardships as their male counterparts face at sea and women must not ask for concessions, special considerations and relaxation of standards, especially since the navy is a fighting force.

To put it in a nutshell, women naval officers must not expect the navy to mollycoddle them. They must not ask for preferential treatment just because they belong to the “fairer sex”. Women must be prepared to be treated on par with their male counterparts, in all aspects of service life.

In the latter half of my naval career, I did have a few women officers as my colleagues and most of them were highly qualified, dedicated and proficient in their work and it was a delight to work with them. Most of us treated women officers as equals and it made no difference whether it was a male or female officer – both delivered the goods equally well.

But unfortunately, in some cases, the archaic mindset had not changed, and there still existed a patronizing attitude towards women, and in some cases, a few women naval officers took undue advantage of this favouritism.

Take the case of marriage. One is free to marry whoever one wants. But even in this personal matter there was a rather amusing patronizing attitude.

Though not explicitly stated in black and white, there was a tacit encouragement for women naval officers to marry within the service – yes, if you were a lady naval officer, getting married to a male naval officer had great advantages; and conversely, if you got married to a civilian, you were at a comparative disadvantage.

To illustrate this, let us take the case of “A” – a brilliant young lady naval officer.

“A” had a degree in Electronics and Communication Engineering from a premier engineering college. She had passed out at the top of her class in first class with distinction and was offered excellent jobs with good career prospects in the best of IT Software and Engineering Companies during campus placement.

It was puzzling as to why she decided to join the navy despite the fact that she was aware that she would have limited career prospects in the navy, unlike in the civilian world where her career opportunities and scope for advancement were much brighter.

Firstly, despite being technically qualified, she would have to join the education branch (since technical branches are seagoing branches and women naval officers do not go to sea).

Secondly, she was being offered a short service commission of 5 years (as was the norm for women officers those days).

Being in the education branch she would spend most of her time on instructional duties teaching basic science and mathematics to trainee sailors and this surely would not add value to her technical experience and, once she left the navy after 5 years to search for a job, she would be at a professional disadvantage as compared to her “techie” counterparts who were gaining valuable relevant experience doing technical jobs in the industry.

We found “A” to be an outstanding officer and whatever her duties, she performed them cheerfully with efficiency, diligence, sincerity and competence.

Just a few days earlier, the moment she was 25 years of age (the navy marriageable age) “A” married her college sweetheart who worked in a leading software firm in Mumbai. Luckily, after serving at different places, “A” had been posted to Mumbai 6 months earlier and looked forward to spending the next two years with her husband in Mumbai by which time her short service tenure in the navy would come to an end.

“A” was a lively person, full of life and always in good cheer, maybe because of the first flush of marriage. She was a delightful person who enlivened the atmosphere of the workplace.

One day we were quite surprised to find “A” in a sour mood.

We asked her what was the matter.

“I am going to be transferred out of Mumbai,” she complained bitterly.

“That’s not possible,” we said, “You’ve just spend 6 months here and the normal tenure is 3 years.”

“I know, Sir,” she said, “but they want to move me out to accommodate my batchmate who has married a naval officer who is under transfer to Mumbai. They want to move her to Mumbai along with him so they can be together. So we have to exchange places – she comes here in my place and I have to go out of Mumbai to her place. I told them that I too am recently married but they said that my husband was a civilian working in a private company. They are favouring her because she married a naval officer and discriminating against me because I married a civilian.”

“Are you saying that you feel that they are victimizing you just because you did not marry a naval officer?” we asked her.

“Yes,” she said indignantly.

“Don’t worry,” we said, “we’ll do something.”

I rang up a friend in the education branch and told him to find out the true facts.

He rang back a few hours later saying that, indeed yes, there was an unwritten policy that a “naval couple” was to be accommodated in the same station as far as possible.

“This amounts to victimization?” I said.

“Victimization?” he sounded surprised.

“Yes. It is all relative. If you favour someone, then you end up victimizing someone else. While trying to favour one lady naval officer for marrying within the service, you cannot victimize another just because she did not marry a naval officer,” I said.

I also told him that we were going to take up this matter.

“Okay, okay, I’ll do something,” he said.

Her batchmate who married a naval officer was “accommodated” in some other billet in Mumbai and “A” remained with us in Mumbai till the end of her tenure and “A” was able to spend the first few years of her married life with her “civilian” husband.

Later, after retirement, I met many young girls who had joined the defence services and I realized that marriage was indeed a dilemma for a girl serving in the army, navy or air force.

As far a marriage was concerned, a girl joining the defence forces had three options:

1. If she married someone from within the service it was fine – the “service couple” would be looked after and, as per the unwritten policy, all efforts would be made to keep them together.

2. If she married a civilian she would have to be prepared for a long distance marriage.

3. And if she did not marry while in service, by the time she completed her short service tenure of 7 or 10 years, she would be well past what is considered to be the “marriageable age” in India and it would be difficult for her to find a suitable groom.

If you are a young bright woman who is thinking of joining the army, navy or air force it is very noble thing to do but you must fully aware of the pros and cons of service life (especially those aspects which affect your personal life like marriage) so that you will be happy and enjoy your tenure in the defence forces.

Considering this marriage predicament, that’s why, probably, most girls who join the defence forces prefer to marry within the service and, maybe, there is some merit in encouraging this trend by giving some tacit incentives, though there may be some concomitant disadvantages as well.

I have observed contrasting views regarding romance at work and marriage within the organisation. Someone told me that there were old-fashioned “boxwallah” companies which prohibited marriage between two employees (one of them had to resign). On the other hand there are some “modern” firms which encourage marriages between employees and even facilitate in-house romances by giving incentives like dating allowance.

Dear Reader: What is your view?

VIKRAM KARVE

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

Did you like this story?

I am sure you will like the 27 short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook

If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

About Vikram Karve

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Untitled

via karvediat.blogspot.com

PUNE REAL ESTATE GUIDE - RAMBLINGS OF A NOVICE SELF-STYLED PROPERTY GURU

In case you are interested in reading my clueless ramblings on the Real Estate Scene in Pune – the random musings of a novice self-styled Property Guru - here are a few links you can click.

ARE YOU THINKING OF BUYING A HOUSE IN PUNE

Part 1: WHY ARE PROPERTY RATES SO HIGH IN WAKAD PUNE
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/03/why-are-property-rates-so-high-in-wakad....

Part 2: REAL ESTATE PRICES IN PUNE – HYPE AND REALITY
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/04/real-estate-prices-in-pune-hype-and.html

Part 3: HOUSE HUNTING IN PUNE - 5 TIPS FOR PROPERTY BUYING
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/04/house-hunting-in-pune-5-tips-for-buying....

Part 4: TRY BEFORE YOU BUY
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/05/are-you-thinking-of-buying-house-in.html

Part 5: The Real Estate Triad – Quality, Appreciation and Rental Value
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/pune-property-quality-appreciation.html

Part 6: WHO IS BUYING PROPERTY IN PUNE - End Users, Investors or Speculators
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/who-is-buying-property-in-pune-end.html

Part 7: Living in WAKAD PUNE - Social Infrastructure
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/wakad-social-infrastructure.html

Part 8: SMART HOME - a Gimmick Best Avoided - Smart Homes May Not Work in Pune
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/smart-home-gimmick-best-avoided.html

Part 9: LIVING IN PUNE - WALKING IN WAKAD - Musings on Urban Town Planning
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/living-in-pune-walking-in-wakad.html

Part 10: CART BEFORE THE HORSE URBAN TOWN PLANNING MODEL of PUNE
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/03/cart-before-horse-urban-town-planning.html

Part 11: PUNE – “Destination of the Past” or “City of the Future”?
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/05/pune-cons.html

Part 12: TUM TUM SCENE IN WAKAD Pune - Travelling to Hinjewadi
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/03/tum-tum-scene-in-wakad-travelling-to.html

Part 13: STAY INSIDE STAY COOL
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/04/living-in-wakad-stay-inside-stay-cool.html

Part 14: Eating out in Pune – WAKAD FOOD GUIDE
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/08/wakad-food-guide-eating-in-pune.html

Part 15: PUNE PROPERTY PUZZLE – Are You Thinking of Buying a Resale House
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/08/pune-property-puzzle-are-you-thinking.html

Part 16: PUNE PROPERTY GUIDE - BEWARE OF THE WORD “ANNEXE”
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/08/pune-real-estate-property-guide-beware.html

Part 17: AVOID A PROJECT WITH PIPED GAS
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/10/pune-home-buying-tip-avoid-property.html

Property buyers are always at the receiving end because of their ignorance
VAT on RESIDENTIAL HOMES and PROPERTY - The Hot Topic in PUNE REAL ESTATE REALTY SCENE
An informative blog post by Ravi on the VAT issue
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/11/vat-on-residential-homes-and-property.html

HAPPY HOUSE HUNTING
Posted by Vikram Karve

A Naval Yarn - http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/10/a-fleet-auxiliary-called-semaphore.html

via karvediat.blogspot.com

Click the link below to read the naval yarn

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/10/a-fleet-auxiliary-called-semaphore.html

Friday, October 12, 2012

No “host” will like to be turned into a “guest” in his own house - THE FLOCK THEORY OF MIGRATION

Click the link below to read the original article in my journal

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/10/flock-theory-of-migration.html

Click the link above to read the original article in my journal

The Article is also posted below for your convenience

FLOCK THEORY OF MIGRATION

Food for Thought

VIKRAM KARVE

Long back, me and my friend, a Bird-Watcher, a self-styled ornithologist, were observing birds (I am referring to the “winged” variety of birds).

We saw a huge a flock of migratory birds flying in the sky.

It was a fascinating sight to see the flock of birds flying in perfect formation.

I mentioned this to my friend who then told me about the “flock theory” of migration.

He told me that sometimes different kinds of birds that do not belong to the original flock also join the flock and fly along.

The birds in the flock allow these “outsider” birds to fly along with the flock as long as they do not disturb the pattern, movement, flight speed and direction (course) of the flock.

When the number of “immigrant” birds is small, these “outsider” birds quietly assimilate themselves into the flock, obey the rules of the flock and do not disturb the harmony of the flock.

Sometimes the number of these “immigrant” birds increases to a sizeable proportion and they may disturb the harmony of the flock, if these “outsider” birds try to assert themselves.

These “foreigner” birds may even try to control the flock by trying to dominate and alter the flight pattern.

This disturbance in harmony and attempt at domination is not tolerated by the main flock of birds, and violent clashes break out as the main flock of birds tries to remove the “immigrant” birds from the flock and throw them out.

I think a similar hypothesis applies to human migration too.

When you migrate to another country (or when you relocate within your country to another state or city) you must remember this flock theory of migration.

Try to assimilate yourself into your new “host” country or city and acclimatize yourself to the way of life of your new place of residence.

You must mix around and interact with the local inhabitants and imbibe the indigenous culture of your new abode.

You must not “ghettoize” yourself by forming tightly-knit inward-looking groups of your own community but you must embrace the culture of your new land (after all, it is you who have chosen to migrate there).

Always remember that you are the foreigner in their land – you are the “guest” and they are your “hosts” – and a guest must never attempt to dominate the host and try to make the host a guest in his own country.

A large number of my relatives, classmates and friends have migrated to America and have lived there for many years.

However, I find that they mostly mingle amongst the Indian community (even language and state wise), as is evident from the photos they show us.

When I ask them why they do not have any American friends, they have no credible answer except saying that they do have such friendships, but at the workplace only.

However their children, born and brought up in the USA, have friendships, relationships and even marriages with resident Americans – in fact, Americans now comprise so many ethnicities (since over the years, so many persons from all parts of the world have migrated to the USA for a better life and now America has become the melting pot of diverse cultures).

The flock theory applies to all types of migration.

Immigrants migrate due to a variety of reasons.

Some immigrants “choose” to migrate and willingly accept the majority culture of their host nation and are seamlessly assimilated and integrated into the existing society of their “hosts”.

Some immigrants are forced to migrate, due to a variety of reasons, including political and socioeconomic imperatives, for education, or for reasons of safety and security arising from instability or warlike conditions in their homeland.

These forced migrants are like “refugees”.

These “forced migrants” are less amenable to assimilating themselves with the majority population.

It is these “forced immigrants” who ghettoize themselves into communities and try to maintain their own distinct identity by refusing the absorb the culture of their new land.

Sometimes the numbers of such “refugee” forced immigrants may increase to a point where the immigrants may alter the demographic balance and try to impose their will on their hosts.

It is then that the “flock theory” will apply and a conflict will start and there will be a struggle for dominance.

When migration takes place, both the “hosts” (natives) and the “guests” (migrants) must remember the Flock Theory and ensure that cultural harmony is maintained and the demographic balance is not upset.

My “bird-watcher” friend gave a ballpark figure of 30% when I asked him what was the flock theory threshold beyond which the harmony of the flock is disturbed.

Applying the same threshold to human migration, this tells us that the “hosts” must ensure that “guests” (immigrants) do not exceed 30% of the population.

If this is allowed to happen and the 30% barrier is broken, and the number of immigrants keeps on increasing in an unabated manner, not only will the migrants become a sizeable proportion of the population and alter the demographic balance, but the “cultural visibility” of the migrants will become starkly evident and the local residents will feel threatened (the harmony of the “flock” will be disturbed and the original birds will feel jeopardized and fear that their “flock” will be being taken over by “outsider” birds).

The flock theory teaches us the lesson that if migration is not controlled to within acceptable limits, a stage will come when the migrants will not be welcome anymore, because no one likes to be dominated by “outsiders” who try to impose their culture on the local inhabitants.

Remember: No “host” will like to be turned into a “guest” in his own house.

Dear Reader:

Do you agree with the “flock theory of migration”?

Please comment and let us know your views.

VIKRAM KARVE

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

Did you like this article?

COCKTAIL ebook

Foodie Book: Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie I am sure that you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

The Flock Theory of Migration

via karvediat.blogspot.com

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Short Fiction - Stealing Affections - A Naval Yarn - STEALING THE AFFECTION OF A BROTHER OFFICER'S WIFE

Click the link below to read the original post in my creative writing journal blog

The story is also posted below for your convenience

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/10/stealing-affections.html

STEALING AFFECTIONS

Short Fiction Story

A Naval Yarn

VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer: Please read this short story only if you have a sense of humour. This is a spoof, pure fiction, a figment of imagination. So first convince yourself that you have a sense of humour and only then read the yarn and have a laugh.

STEALING AFFECTIONS

Short Fiction - A Naval Yarn

VIKRAM KARVE

It was an abrupt end to a promising career.

In the morning he was forced to put in his papers.

In the afternoon there was a brief farewell party - a drab Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD) in the Wardroom.

The usual boisterous bonhomie was conspicuous by its absence and there was an air of awkwardness in the Wardroom.

The farewell PLD for Horny was a mere formality to be got over with.

The party was muted low-key affair without the customary boisterous elbow-bending.

Everyone reluctantly sipped their beer in hushed silence hoping that time would move fast.

But time did not move quickly and they all endured the agonizing moments as time crawled slowly while they all waited for the uncomfortable proceedings to end.

No one forced “down the hatch” drinks and “bottoms up” beers on the departing guest.

There were no “jolly-good-fellow” hoists and there were no long winded farewell speeches – just one-line perfunctory speeches for the sake of formality.

Typically, a PLD was a jolly affair full of joie de vivre and the cheer and beer flowed freely. The happy high-spirited copious beer-drinking continued for hours together, till evening, and on occasions the boisterous revelry turned into a full-fledged drunken orgy late into the night.

But this PLD finished off within an hour and everyone heaved a sigh of relief that the embarrassment was over.

They all shook hands with Horny, wished him good-luck in the civvy-street, and they all went home, or to their cabins, to hit the sack and enjoy what was left of the make-and-mend Wednesday.

Only Snotty stayed back and helped Horny pack his bags. Then he sent a sailor to get a taxi and when the taxi arrived alongside the ship at the jetty, Snotty picked up Horny’s bags and accompanied him to the gangway.

A sailor picked up Horny’s bags and put them into the boot of the taxi.

Horny stood at the gangway, expressionless. He did not betray his emotions but kept gazing in a vacant manner at the taxi. Then he turned around and smiled at Snotty and the gangway duty staff.

Then, Horny lifted himself to his full height, stood ramrod straight with chest out. He saluted for the last time, swallowed the anchor, and marched ashore across the gangway into the civvy-street forever.

Snotty felt sad to see Horny go away. Horny had been his mentor and Snotty admired him as a role model in the art of seamanship. Though Horny was his boss, he had always treated Snotty like a younger brother, with benevolence and patience. Horny was firm yet compassionate, revered by the men he commanded. Horny ran a happy department and Snotty had learnt so much from him. He had really liked Horny and was sorry that such a promising career had been so cruelly and so unjustly abruptly cut short.

Snotty went down to the wardroom and sat down for lunch at the Dining Table. In order to enjoy good food one has to be in the right mood and that is why the delicious food which looked so good on the table turned tasteless in Snotty’s mouth.

“What’s wrong, Snotty?” asked the in-living PMC, who was nicknamed Sea Dog. He was sitting at the head of the table.

“Nothing, Sir. It’s about Horny.”

“What about Horny? I know he was your boss. Sad to see him go?”

“Yes, Sir. He was such a nice guy, Sir, and so good at his job.”

“I know. I was his training officer on the cadet ship. Horny was an outstanding cadet and a superb officer. He would have reached the very top but for this…”

“It’s totally unfair, Sir, and a very harsh punishment – an abrupt end to a promising career just because of one small indiscretion.”

“One small indiscretion? You call it one small indiscretion? You know what he did, don’t you?”

“Well, he was having an affair with Salty’s wife, that’s all.”

“That’s all? You know how serious the matter is?”

“Sir, if two people want to have consensual sex, what’s the problem?”

“What’s the problem? You are asking me what’s the problem? Well, my dear friend, let me explain. Horny was married and so was Salty. And Horny was having an illicit relationship with Salty’s wife. It’s called adultery. Do you understand?”

“Sir, it is a personal matter between them, and their wives. What has it got to do with our job? Why has Horny been sacked?”

“That may be in the civvy street, but here we follow a code of conduct. Stealing the affection of a brother officer’s wife is strictly taboo. If you are feeling so damn frustrated, you can go and sow your wild oats outside, but you don’t steal the affections of a brother officer's wife. ”

“Stealing affections of a brother officer’s wife?”

“Yes. Stealing the affections of a brother officer’s wife is just not allowed. It is considered an act of moral turpitude, conduct unbecoming of an officer, prejudicial to good order and discipline. That is why Horny was thrown out. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good.”

“Sir, I have a small doubt?”

“What doubt?”

“You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer’s wife because it is an act of moral turpitude?”

“That’s right. It is immoral to steal the affections of your brother officer’s wife.”

“You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer because it is illegal. That is what they told us at the academy.”

“Of course it is illegal. Buggery is unlawful. The days of the Rum Bum and Lash Navy are long since over.”

“Sir, then please tell me one thing – you can’t steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife because it is immoral. You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer because it is unlawful. Then why is it permitted to steal the affection of your sister officer?”

“Stealing the affections of a sister officer? What are you talking about?”

“Sir, nowadays we have lady officers in the Navy.”

“So?”

“If male officers are like our brothers, then the women officers are like our sisters, aren’t they?”

“That’s right – lady officers are indeed your sister officers. And that is how you must treat them.”

“If you steal the affections of your sister, does that not amount to incest?”

“Incest? What are you trying to say?”

“Sir, tell me, are you allowed to marry your sister?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why are male officers being permitted to marry female officers? Brother Officers are stealing the affections of Sister Officers and even marrying them. Isn’t it funny, Sir? Today she is your sister officer and tomorrow she becomes your wife?”

“What’s your point?”

“It is all very confusing to me, Sir.”

“Confusing? What?”

“You can steal the affection of your sister officer, you can even marry your sister officer – that is allowed – sister officers can steal the affections of their brother officers and even marry them – that is permitted - then why make such a big hullabaloo if you steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife?”

“Very interesting question. I think I’ll have to ask my wife to answer that.”

“Your wife? I thought you were a bachelor, Sir.”

“And why is that?”

“Because you are in-living, Sir.”

“Well, my wife is posted elsewhere. And you’ll be interested to know that she is, in your parlance, a ‘sister officer’ – yes, Dear Snotty, I am guilty of stealing the affection of a sister officer!”

VIKRAM KARVE

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

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